Writing 22

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Writing 22

Postby RHani » Tue Feb 21, 2017 2:10 am

Q) you work for the tourist information office in a place you know well.
You write an article for a magazine about this place. In the article, you should:
-explain where it is and how to travel there
-describe what the visitors can do there
-encourage visitors to come

Yosemite national park
Have you ever wanted a place filled with a variety of activities but allows you to relax and enjoy an exotic landscape? If so, then Yosemite national park is the right pick.

Yosemite national park is located in California, USA. If you are a U.S citizen then you can get to the park my a road trip. Otherwise, you can refer to the park's website to help you plan for your trip.

The park is full of breathtaking sites like Yosemite fall where you can stand at the cliff of the waterfall to take mesmerizing and peculiar photos to show to your friends. Do not worry, it is secured! Also, there are other places like Half Dome, El Capitan and Tunnel view where you can enjoying hiking around. Moreover, there are a lot of activities that visitors can do. For example, camping in the heart of the woods which will give you unique experience.

They have a very hospitable employees and workers who will be glade to offer you help. I will strongly encourage readers to have a look at the park's brochure and try to book as fast as possible since we have a special offer for the first 50 visitors starting from 21st February 2017.
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Re: Writing 22

Postby RHani » Tue Feb 21, 2017 11:49 am

I will be thankful if you check this writing =)
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Re: Writing 22

Postby Writeacher » Tue Feb 21, 2017 7:47 pm

First of all, go through and check ALL spelling, and make sure there are no run-ons or fragments. Then re-post!

=)
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Re: Writing 22

Postby RHani » Wed Feb 22, 2017 3:16 am

Yosemite national park
Have you ever wanted a place filled with variety of activities and allows you to relax and enjoy an exotic landscape at the same time? If so, then Yosemite national park is the right pick for you.

Yosemite national park is located in California, USA. If you are a U.S. citizen, then you can get to the park by a road trip. Otherwise, you can refer to the park's website to help you in planning for your trip.

The park is full of breathtaking sites. For example, Yosemite fall, where you can stand on the cliff of the waterfall and take mesmerizing photos to show to your friends. Do not worry, it is secured! Furthermore, there are other places like Half Dome, El Capitan and Tunnel view where you can enjoy hiking around. Moreover, there are a lot of activities that you can participate in. For example, camping in the heart of the woods which will give you a unique experience.

We have very hospitable employees and workers who will be glad to offer you help. I strongly encourage you to have a look at the park's brochure, for try to book as fast as possible since we have a special offer for the first 50 visitors starting from 21st February 2017 till the end of the month.
RHani
 
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Re: Writing 22

Postby Writeacher » Thu Feb 23, 2017 10:16 am

RHani wrote:Yosemite national park
Have you ever wanted to visit a place filled with variety of activities and allows you to relax and enjoy a beautiful landscape at the same time? If so, then Yosemite National Park is the right place [or choice] for you.

Yosemite National Park is located in California, USA. If you are in the US, then you can get to the park by a road trip. Otherwise, you can refer to the park's website to help you in planning for your trip. <~~That seems quite fuzzy. Why not say people will need to take planes and then rent cars?

The park is full of breathtaking sites. For example, Yosemite Falls, where you can stand at the base of the waterfall and take mesmerizing photos to show to your friends. Do not worry! It is secure! Furthermore, there are other places like Half Dome, El Capitan, and Tunnel View where you can enjoy climbing and hiking. Moreover, there are many activities that you can participate in. For example, camping in the heart of the woods which will give you a unique experience. <~~That's a fragment; either attach it somehow to the previous sentence or make it a complete sentence on its own.

We <~~Who are "we"? have very hospitable employees to help our visitors. <~~to fix the wordiness. I strongly encourage you to have a look at the park's brochure. Try to book your trip as soon as possible since we have a special offer for the first 50 visitors starting from 21st February 2017 until the end of the month.


Yosemite is beautiful, but not exotic! Fiji or Hawaii are exotic!!

No one who is visiting Yosemite Valley (where all the other items are that you refer to) goes to the top of Yosemite Falls, but LOTS of people always seem to be around the base -- and yes, there are barrier fences there to make sure people don't get too close, fall in, and drown!

El Capitan is not for hiking, but for those who are experienced mountain climbers. The other places you mention and most of the rest of the valley part of the park are for hiking.

Parts in blue are my suggestions for better wording.
Parts in red are to correct grammar and/or usage problems.

Let me know if you have questions.

PS. When I was a child, my parents, brother, grandparents, and I went camping in Yosemite Valley during the summers. It's a gorgeous place! We even got to watch the nightly "fire fall" in those days: http://yosemitefirefall.com/yosemite-fi ... ier-point/ They don't do that anymore! Too dangerous! When I had small children, we went camping in Tuolumne Meadows, which is in the high country, not in the valley where all the well known attractions are (Half Dome, El Capitan, etc.).
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